I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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