go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
