somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
