just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
