You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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