Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
