GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's the barista slut.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
