Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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