We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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