Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
