now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
