Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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