ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
