The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
