The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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