I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
