the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
