Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
