dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
