Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
