Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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