Are we in a gay sports bar?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
