I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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