he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
