he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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