capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
