I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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