Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
