I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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