and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
