Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The best revenge is premature balding
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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