Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
