I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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