Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize