The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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