see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
