Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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