maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
