I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
