I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
accomplished twins. life is a go
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
