Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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