I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
