Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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