don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
