Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
