My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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