and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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