I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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