How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
