so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
