ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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