The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
