he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
