You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He better not be in your backpack
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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