All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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