Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
