He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize