One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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