I can text with my tongue
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My cat gives me a boner
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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