This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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