I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
