Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
