I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
