i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
