It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
