When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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