um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
