then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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