It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
