Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
