my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
