Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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