I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize