She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize