i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hippo gnu deer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
