it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Girls should come with a carfax report
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
