would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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