also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
