I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize