I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found puke in my bra..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
