idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
