Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
