We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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