Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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