Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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