Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
