the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
