nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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