i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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