Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
