im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
