I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize