Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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