I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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