if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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