My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
